Siblings' Role in the Promotion of Perspective Taking

Kelsey is the author of our second entry on chapter 2, and this is her description of this childhood photo: "The picture is my sister Kathleen on the left, my brother Greg in the middle, and me on the right side. We took this picture when my aunt came to visit us from San Francisco and got us all matching sunglasses." She wondered if that was a good enough description, and I think the only thing missing is: "How cool are they?!!" I think you'll appreciate her entry, too!

Growing up as the youngest of three in my family had its good times and its bad times. Being only fourteen months apart, my brother and I were extremely close; we did everything together. We even shared our closest friends. There are certain memories I made with my brother that I will never forget. Once, when he was in kindergarten and I was still at home, he brought me the prizes that he had received in his kindergarten class for collecting 10 class stickers. I think I recall this memory more distinctly than others because this small action made me feel included. He could understand how it felt for me being the only one left at home. He was able to dive into the perspective of my feelings and use relationship building tools to make me feel better. Even though he didn’t realize it at the time, in the long run, this small act, along with others like them, taught me how to take others’ perspectives into account when building my own relationships. My brother was always there for me when I needed him and still is today. I could not be more thankful for having such a wonderful brother.

My sister on the other hand is five years older than me. Growing up with each other was much more of a challenge for the two of us. We were constantly at different stages of life and continuously fighting. As the younger child, I felt as if she was always out to get me, constantly trying to poke at me and find any way possible to make fun of me. Essentially, she came off as a bully, always trying to make me feel strange and out of place. For example, I remember a time when she and her friends locked me in the closet. They closed the door behind me and as I shouted back at them, they told me that I was from the planet ‘cow.’

There were moments when I would just have complete breakdowns and begin to cry. All I wanted was an older sister who I got along with; someone I could look up to and follow. I wanted it to be ok that I made the same choices as her. Instead I was called a ‘copy cat.’ She tore away at my self-confidence and self-esteem. Luckily my parents were able to take my perspective into account and not only calm me down but assure me that later on in life the two of us would be close. They constantly came down to my level and told me they knew how I felt. They were able to relate to me since they too were the youngest of three growing up in their own families. They told me of their struggles as children and the way that their relationships with their siblings developed. I felt that my parents understood and were able to empathize with me. Because of this I was able to trudge through the bad times of my childhood. My parents’ perspective taking taught me how to better understand another person’s situation. I learned to step into another’s outlook and gain the ability to build long lasting relationships with other people.

Just as my parents always told me, my sister and I are now closer than ever. I consider her to be one of my closest friends and for that I could not be more thankful. Our parents’ ability to empathize with their children’s feelings helped to teach my sister and me how to empathize with others and build lasting, meaningful relationships.

In the book, Galinsky emphasizes the fact that the ability to understand and empathize with another person’s thoughts or feelings is one of the key aspects to sustaining a healthy adult relationship. She points out that no person enjoys talking to another when they do not feel understood. Throughout the chapter she provides the reader with eight suggestions regarding teaching a child the ever important skill of perspective taking. In order to teach our children how to be in sync with another’s feelings we must first be aware of their feelings, no matter how mundane or silly they may seem. We must get down to their level and learn to recognize their feelings.

Children watch and learn from their parents more than we think. Being able to take the perspective of a child teaches them skills that they will use throughout their lifetime. Just as my parents stepped down to my level and empathized with me in my own times of need, so too other parents must decide to step down and empathize with their children. Doing so will enable their children to build meaningful relationships in the future stages of their development.

Perspective Taking

Maria, pictured here at the age of five, is the author of our first entry on chapter 2. She said, "I am not sure why I was dressed like a pilgrim. The boy in the picture was a classmate named Omar." Perhaps her teachers wanted her to take on the perspective of the first European settlers in North America?... Happy reading!

Chapter two encourages parents to teach their children how to understand the perspective of others. Doing so will help children develop many lifelong skills. It will teach them how to be independent, as well as how to relate to others, and will help them learn to read. These skills should be practiced from infancy. One of the nine suggestions Galinsky gives in this chapter is to “Practice What We Preach.” Children imitate what they see. Therefore if we are behaving inappropriately, they will, too. “How children gain insight into ‘what goes on in people’s hearts and minds,’ depends on how parents interpret ‘the everyday events of their lives’ (p. 85). This quote helps sum up the point Galinsky is trying to get across. In connection with this is how we react emotionally to different situations. Children will react to other people’s feelings in the same manner as their parents.

As I read through this chapter, I could make connections with parenting techniques I have learned in other Child Development classes such as: mirroring, active listening, and I-messages. I feel that these are very important and crucial techniques for parents to implement. Galinsky touches on these subjects using different examples and scenarios. By practicing perspective taking children will be able to handle difficult tasks in life with more confidence, ease, and a better understanding of others. Another benefit to applying perspective taking from a young age is that it will help children merge into kindergarten more easily. This reminds me of my first day of school. I was five years old and my older sister had woken me up bright and early. She helped me get dressed and fed me breakfast. Then, we walked to school. She held my hand very tightly the whole way there. As we stood outside of my classroom she refused to let go of my hand. Finally, we went into the classroom and she greeted my teacher, Mrs. Chaney. I set my stuff down and began to explore the classroom. My sister stood there trying to fight back her tears. She kneeled down and asked me if I was going to be ok. I was very calm and excited to begin school. I assured her with a huge smile on my face that I was just fine; but, she repeatedly asked me, “Are you sure?” “Yes you can go now” I told her. She walked away crying and till this day she continues to tell that story.

Taking Galinsky’s suggestions into consideration I agree that perspective taking teaches children independence. One can learn to deal with difficult situations even when others are not handling them well (as in the case of my sister who was heartbroken to separate from me). Growing up I learned the importance of taking others’ feelings into consideration. My siblings and I have a huge age difference between us. Therefore, I did not grow up around a lot of children or with anyone to fight with. I grew up with adults and my feelings and personal space were always respected. I learned the importance of respecting others and looking at things through their perspective. Also these suggestions provided by the author help parents with parenting skills that can help children develop to their fullest potential and prepare them to conquer the world. As adults we need to be mindful of our actions, words, and reactions especially around children. As Galinsky indicated, life is all about perspective.

Be Encouraging!

Our fourth and final entry on chapter 1 was written by Katherine, pictured here as a baby. She appeared to be enjoying herself then, and I think you'll enjoy reading her thoughts on Galinsky's work now!

Focus and self-control are two qualities that are very important for young children to practice and learn because they are skills that we all use on a daily basis. This allows children to be able to see what is going on in their environment and adapt accordingly. The world we call home is constantly changing. We are continuously growing and adapting to the changes that are taking place. Self-control allows children to practice delayed gratification. By delaying gratification children are also learning how to regulate their emotions. Emotional regulation is a concept that takes time for children to develop. In the school system children are expected to learn, duplicate and apply the ideas that are spoken to them. This process starts at infancy and stays with the child all of his life. Children learn so much from their parents’ example so this is something about which we need to constantly be aware. From the earliest moments of life, children are observing and interacting with their environment. When children are engaged they are learning how to focus. They are learning how to be a part of a group and regulate emotions. We all have feelings but most are able to keep them under control because we were taught how. In a child, focus and self-regulation are constantly interacting.

My dad loved playing games with us and I truly believe that this helped our ability to focus and self regulate. It was my time to bond and communicate with my dad but it also allowed me to learn something new. Playing board games is a great way to help children. Games encourage children to think in a different way and problem solve. Reading out loud gives children a chance to practice focusing. My parents also encouraged us to be very independent. I taught myself how to ride a bike when I was three. There was a part of me that was so eager to learn the things that I did not yet know how to do. I would see my brother playing and I had to be a part of it. Sometimes children need to be free to make decisions on their own. Children know when they are ready and sometimes all you need to do is step back and let time take the lead. This is the reason we have preschools because it gives children a chance to practice these life skills in a safe and controlled environment.

One of the big questions people wonder about is ‘how can we incorporate this into a preschool classroom?’ Well, one of the first things you can do as a teacher is know your children and know where they are developmentally. You can learn so much by taking a few minutes to watch and observe. Have activities in the classroom where children are taking turns and sharing with one another. Games are very important. “Red Light, Green Light” is a great game to play, along with “Simon Says.” We need to create an environment where learning is fun. When we create this atmosphere children thrive because they are the ones who are focusing and directing their learning. Encourage a child who is upset to not dwell on their feelings but direct it to something else. Encouraging redirecting is so powerful because it puts the child back in control. Children feel helpless when they are upset. This insecurity shows and teachers need to be able to recognize it. Focus and self-regulation are not things that are going to happen overnight; children are constantly working them out. Children need encouragement and that is where our role as teachers and parents come in.

Being Focused + Having Self Control = Success

Our third entry was written by Claudia, who is on the far right here. She is joined by her mom, her sister, and her niece. Happy reading!

Chapter one in the book, Mind in the Making by Ellen Galinsky was about the first of seven skills that she says are essential for the successful development of a child. The first skill is focus and self control. Galinsky says a child needs to learn to concentrate on a task in order to succeed academically The child needs to not only concentrate but finish the task and learn to use knowledge to problem solve. She also says that self control is necessary because children learn to delay gratification and thus can patiently wait.

When I read this chapter I thought of several children whom I had worked with that had trouble focusing on one task and would float around the room from one activity or center to the next. Some teachers thought that those children had a form of ADHD, which is a very common concern for teachers and parents with whom I have worked. They fear that because their child can not stay still they may have this learning disability. I have learned that if the child is not engaged in activities that interest them or strike curiosity they will not pay attention. It is up to parents and instructors to engage students in a creative way in order to sharpen this skill.

In my eyes being able to have self control is not only important in childhood but in adulthood. If an individual has self control they will be more likely to develop patience, which, like the saying goes, is a virtue. Being self controlled means that you can delay gratification and will be more likely to think before acting on an urge. I feel this is very important to teach children, especially because a child may feel the urge to retaliate if they have been hurt or upset. If it’s difficult for a child to have self control during childhood, it will be more difficult in adulthood when they have to be in situations of more severity and complexity.

This chapter has really made me think of different ways to foster the skills of focus and self control in my students. I really liked the examples of different games that the book gave. I feel that circle time is a good time to teach children to stay focused and have self control at the same time. I have several methods that I used which I never thought were teaching children these skills. When I do circle time I always have a toy microphone. When someone wants to talk they raise their hand, and I will call on them and hand them the microphone. This gives the children the ability to talk and express themselves. The other children know that if they want to talk they have to wait their turn and respect who is talking at the moment. This allows for the children to wait their turn and not interrupt a student or a teacher who is talking. Whenever I read a book I try to ask the children questions before, during, and after reading the book to see if the story interested them. I love to read stories because I love to use different voices and props in order to engage the child’s attention. I never force a child to stay in circle time if he is not interested, like I have seen several teachers do. I feel this makes the child not look forward to circle time or any activity if they are forced to have to stay and complete it. I feel that these two skills are very important and reading this chapter has really made me want to further develop these skills in my students.

Got Rest?!

This is Scotty and Scarlett -- aren't they cute? Their mom, Melissa, took this picture of them at Christmas last year, long before she wrote this blog entry. I'm quite confident that they'll be really proud of her when they're old enough to read what she's written here -- enjoy!



I really enjoyed reading the first chapter. I found that there were many interesting facts presented to suggest that children learn focus and self control through play and exploration. Children also tend to learn these skills through example. The bulk of the chapter was about this, but what intrigued me most were Galinsky’s suggestions to promote the growth of focus and self control.

Galinsky says that the most important way to help develop the skills is to promote them. As a parent she suggests that we must allow our children to be well rested and to have their breaks. Now as a parent myself, I thought this one a no-brainer. I am the mother of a 4 month old, and if she does not have her naps between play-time, she becomes over-stimulated and extremely cranky. The idea of breaks is even more important to the older developing child such as my stepson. He is turning four years old, and when he does not have his breaks, he gets even more cranky than my 4 month old, and is fairly vocal about it. When he naps he returns to his same old happy go lucky self, and is willing to play more and expand on his developing skills.

Galinsky further suggests that it is not only children who need breaks but adults as well. If parents model this behavior, we will not only be better parents (because well-rested parents are less stressed!), but it allows the children the opportunity to mimic our behavior. As we all know, most children spend the majority of their time doing this already.

A second suggestion that I found interesting was Galinsky’s ideas about technology. From everything that I have read as a Child Development major, a lot of theorists do not condone the use of television for most children. Theorists tend to view the television and its programming as more of a distraction than actually beneficial in any way. Galinsky provides a different view on the technology issue. She suggests that television, when implemented as an educational tool, can actually be a good tool to help develop focus and self-control. I’m not sure if I completely agree with Galinsky, but I do see the point in trying to utilize technology. Our children are of the technological age, and not only need to be able to use computers, cell phones, and the like, but they will most likely be required to at a much younger age than we were.

I personally do not like the idea of the TV being a tool, but I do like the idea of interactive computer games. Not only are the computer games cost effective (many are either free or very low-cost), but they are going to interest the child, teach them useful skills cognitively, and get them used to operating devices that are going to be required of them as they grow older.

My stepson and I have spent time playing color matching and shape matching games on the computer. One of his favorites is one called “Chuzzle.” It’s a game where there are multicolored puff balls that you must match up in a row of at least 3 by color. After he mastered this concept, we moved on to adding shapes to the game. Each chuzzle had to match by color and a corresponding shape on the lower belly of the creature. He could spend upwards of 45 minutes playing this game, and got a kick out of it every time. Not only is it fun for him, but it is educational too; therefore, it’s a win in his book because he gets to play on the computer by himself, and it’s a win for me because he’s happy and learning something at the same time.

Focus and Self Control

Darlene, pictured here playing "dress-up" as a child, has taken the leap and submitted our first entry for our blog. She has shared some great thoughts and personal examples, and I think you'll enjoy her perspectives. Happy reading!

The first chapter of Galinsky’s book presented the topics of focus and self control in children. Nineteen suggestions of positive ways to promote these skills were offered by the author. While a majority of the suggestions appeared to be common sense to the typical parent, they could also be easily overlooked. I found that throughout reading the first chapter, the suggestions that were offered were reminiscent of the strategies that my parents and teachers used throughout my own childhood. They also proved to be insightful for a Child Development major such as myself. In addition to that, Galinksy’s suggestions opened my eyes to concepts that I never considered would be beneficial.

As I have previously stated, a number of the suggestions offered by Galinsky reminded me of my younger years. In the twelfth suggestion, the author offered the concept of having children play games with specific rules that need to be followed in order to help their working memory. I personally related to this idea during my childhood and especially liked playing games with rules that I had to abide by; I enjoyed the challenge. Although I did not realize that these games were targeted at improving my memory and focus, they surely accomplished what was intended. Just like Galinsky’s example, “Simon Says” was a game that I really enjoyed. When this game was played with my siblings, I would try my hardest to remember that I could not make a new gesture until I heard my mom or dad say, “Simon says.” In my mind I was not playing the game in order to advance my working memory, but rather simply playing the game for fun competition with my brothers and sisters.

Although I did not personally relate to all of the author’s suggestions, I did agree that the strategies seemed to be helpful tools for children. Galinsky presented the notion that children need to be well rested with a sufficient amount of breaks. As the text states, it seems to be agreed upon by many that it is a necessity for everyone, not just children, to receive an ample amount of rest. Therefore, recess is implemented in schools as a means of giving children that free time to themselves before regaining focus. With that being said, although I agree with Galinsky’s logic, this also raised a few questions in my mind. Are extracurricular activities, such as sports, band, or dance, considered to be ‘breaks’ for children or do they require breaks as well? I pose this question with true inquiry because in today’s society, it seems that children seem to be filled with busy schedules at such a young age. Kids spend their days at school and then immediately jump into an activity straight from school and finish just in time to get home to homework and bed. Although children participate in extracurricular activities for enjoyment purposes, are they able to have fun if their day is not filled with enough breaks? In these instances, I wonder if children are able to fully focus through these busy times.

Last but not least, one of the suggestions in particular in the first chapter of the book opened my eyes to a new concept that was somewhat enlightening to me. The fourteenth suggestion to promote focus and self control for children is to make and follow through with plans. Prior to reading the content of this suggestion, I wondered why children needed to plan ahead because that seemed like something adults should be doing. Galinsky suggested having children at school make lists of their tasks for the day, choose and complete each assignment, and then discuss what was learned. I really liked this concept because it truly does aim to prompt children to focus. If children are exposed to this behavior at an early age, its frequency can make a lasting impression. Like some of the other strategies mentioned by Galinsky, this technique can be carried into adulthood. Numerous adults make lists and plan ahead without even realizing they are doing it.

In conclusion, focus and self control are aspects that people at every age are continually working to improve. Although there are no definite answers as to what is the perfect way to be fully focused and have ultimate self control, there are a number of strategies that help a person refine those skills. Through our everyday experiences we have learned how to adjust ourselves so that we can stay more focused and have control, which therefore leads me to conclude that developing skills at an early age can be more beneficial for the future.

The Adventure Begins...

Welcome to our class blog! We are Child Development majors who are studying Advanced Child Development Theory at California State University, with our amazing professor, Kathie Reid. If you hadn't guessed already, she is writing this first entry! She is also requiring us to read Ellen Galinsky's book "Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs." Of course, it's such a great book and we're all so intrigued by all-things-Child-Development that we would read it even without the assignment...but we'll just read it quicker this way!

This semester, a few of us will write entries in response to each chapter, and we hope you follow along and comment when you're inspired by our thoughts.

For now, though, we'll introduce ourselves with pictures of small groups that we work with in class, complete with group names that Kathie had us create.

T-Shirt Time
Martha, Monique, Misti, Kristen, Mai Lor












Party of Five
Lucy, Leanna, Alexis, Darlene, Kelsey












High 5's
Leslie, PK, Jenny, Melissa, Abby











The Fantastic 4
Araceli, Jong, Migow, Katherine












Little Fockers
Sara, Jordan, Kit













Quadruple M
Mai Neng, Miriam, Melissa, Morena












The Pink Ladies
Paj, Maria, Jennifer, Jamie














There we are. Oh! And in the first weeks of the semester, Kathie had a competition to name our blog, and the winners were: Misti and Paj!

So, here we go....