Final Thoughts on Chapter 7

Sovanny wrote our VERY LAST chapter entry -- I KNOW! I can't believe we're at the end of the book, either! To cheer us up in our time of sadness, though, Sovanny included this picture of her fiance with her, all smiles. She said, "The reason that I chose a picture of my fiancé and me at Disneyland was because I feel that it is very fitting for this book. I went on a family vacation with my entire family, who did not want to be pictured on the class blog, and I felt that we made an impact on the kids that went on the trip, and created memories for them as well. We also were able to talk to them, and helped them elaborate on their experience at Disneyland. By them, I mean my niece and nephew, who are both 4 years old." Well, it looks like you had a great time, Sovanny, and I'm sure everyone will have a good time reading your thoughts on Galinsky's last chapter, too.

Chapter 7 was a great way to end the book. Galinsky summarized her intent in writing this book and its importance to parents and teachers. She also gave great ideas and advice on how a parent or a teacher can help expand a child’s mind. This chapter emphasizes the importance that an adult has in a child’s life and learning capability.

I do agree with what Galinsky has to say about the importance of the parent/teacher and child relationship. This chapter has made me realize that children are born learners and they do not learn best when they are being discouraged. Galinsky made it clear that every child needs a good teacher -- whether it be a parent or a daycare provider -- to acknowledge their learning abilities and to encourage them along the way. This chapter breaks down seven different steps that can be taken to help a child’s mind expand and keep the learning spirit alive.

As I was reading this chapter it made me think about my early childhood memories because principle four focused on what a child can remember. I only remember what people have told me, or important days in history, which was just what Galinsky pointed out in her book. Honestly, I feel that I have a very hard time recalling my childhood memories; however, I do remember things that were life changing. For instance, I remember winning awards, hospital visits and siblings being born. However, I cannot recall Kindergarten and earlier memories. I feel I can only remember things that are life changing because they were significant, unlike other memories. My earliest childhood memory was when I was eight, and I broke the kitchen window. I remember crying because I was going to get in trouble, and I remember going to the hospital because I had to get stitches. It was the worst experience of my life, but it is something that I can easily remember because it was a big incident. Additionally, I have a huge scar on my right arm to constantly remind me of that incident. I also remember things that are a big part of history: 9/11, for example. That whole day terrified me and I thought we were under attack. I honestly can remember what I was doing that day and where I was. Galinsky gave a similar example about President Kennedy’s death. I think that we can recall these memories because the moments were significant in our lives and they were life changing.

Reading this chapter made me realize that children not only learn by watching, but they also learn by listening. As a future childcare provider, I learned that children want us to understand them, and do get frustrated when we don’t. I do believe that it will be hard to focus a lot of time on one child when there may be times that you will have to focus on multiple children at once. However, I do realize that it hurts emotionally to be ignored, and I will do what I can to make sure that the children will get the attention for which they are looking.

The Importance of Guidance

Monique wrote our first entry on chapter 7, the final chapter of the book. She said this of her childhood picture: "The picture is my sister, who is 2, and me when I was 4. My grandmother loved to dress us up in hats and dresses." It's probably safe to say that the dress-up initiated by her grandmother helped facilitate a lot of self-directed dramatic play -- just what Galinsky ordered! Enjoy reading, and be sure to check out the second, more current, picture of Monique at the end of the entry.

Galinsky focuses on the topic of self-directed engaged learning in chapter seven of her book. As a mother of a very curious two-year-old daughter, I felt this was a wonderful chapter for me to write about because I could relate to much of what Galinsky wrote. Some of the main topics that stuck out for me were: establishing a trustworthy relationship with your children; involving your children, socially, emotionally and intellectually; and lastly, elaborating on and extending children’s learning.

The first principle that caught my eye was establishing a trustworthy relationship with your children. From the time my daughter was born, I have always felt that she is not only watching my every move but she is learning from my every move. I was grateful to have a background in child development when my daughter was still a very young infant, and feel that, because of this, I was and am able to be a teacher to her. It is funny looking back on this because I would conduct many of the same little experiments that I was learning in class; for example, the power of our facial expressions and how they affect children emotionally.

It had been a very sunny day in the mid-spring and my daughter had only been walking for about a week when she saw her red wagon on the lawn; she decided that she wanted to try and climb into it. She looked over to me eagerly and I gave her a generous and reassuring smile, as if to say, “Go ahead and climb in!” She continued toward the wagon and looked back, and again I smiled. As she got closer, she walked slower and, with her eyes and hands on the door, she examined everything about the wagon from a distance, and then continued to look back at me and smile; I, of course, smiled back at her. She then attempted to climb inside, but did not quite get her balance, and fell and rolled. She looked towards me and in a calm voice with plain expression, I said, “ I see you rolled out. Would you like to try again?” She rolled back to her feet and smiled and nodded. She fell out again on her second attempt, and her third, but each time I gave her the reassurance she needed to try again. About four days later she learned to climb into the red wagon. It was at this moment in my daughter’s life that I realized we can instill in our children fear or determination, and that, as parents and teachers, we can either be a support or hindrance to how a child views the world, but most importantly, to how children trust the world. I think the outcome would have been very different had I run over and freaked out that my daughter had fallen off the wagon, or if I had said in a strong voice, “Get up! You’re ok!” I am in agreement with Galinsky that children look to parents for guidance and for feedback, and because of this, we are children’s best teachers.

The next principle is to involve children socially, emotionally and intellectually. I totally agree with Galinsky that learning is done through a combination of the three. I feel that the majority of the time, learning is acquired because of a social experience a child has; for example, my daughter and I were walking in the store one day and she saw a man with his seeing-eye-dog. The man was blind but he began to talk to my daughter because of her loud excitement over his dog. She yelled happily, “Look! Big! Puppy!” The man turned and told my daughter that his dog’s name was Rex, and that he needed Rex and his wife to help him at the store because he could not see; he was blind. Before this time my daughter had never been exposed to a blind person. She looked confused at the moment, as if she couldn’t understand why someone could not see. As we walked through the store, I continued to talk to her about the man who was blind and his dog and his wife, not really sure if she was understanding it all. As soon as she became distracted, I left the subject alone because I felt maybe it was too much information for her.

When we got home later that day, my daughter saw our biggest dog and said, “Mama, Rascal (our dog’s name) help me!” Although my daughter could not understand the concept of blindness, she showed that she understood that dogs can help people. This was all learned because of a trip to the store and also in part, I believe, in response to her emotional interest in animals.

The last principle that I found very important was Galinsky’s emphasis on elaborating and extending a child’s learning. As much as I agree with Piaget that children learn a lot on their own, I also believe like Vygotsky that children can learn so much more if they are given a guiding hand. One way to help children elaborate and extend learning is for the parent to simply talk to their child about their experiences, past and present. Parents can also repeat back to the child what they say and provide the child with feedback. Most important is for the parent to show interest in what the child is saying. I have learned from experience that children know when you are actively engaged in a conversation with them and when you are disinterested. I am a very busy mother, wife and student, and there have been times when I really, really want to hear my daughter, but I get distracted by a telephone call, homework, or cooking. I think every parent does at one time or another, but even a two year old knows when someone is not listening. I had been distracted by a text message one time and my daughter was explaining to me that she was coloring a duck. When I did not look up right away and instead finished my text, my daughter put her two little hands on my cheeks and said, “Mommy, look it!” Of course I could not resist her little, sparkling eyes, so proud of her work, so I put down my phone and started to talk to her about her picture.

I think the most basic need children have when it comes to learning is to know that someone is going to listen, as well as guide them in their development through life. Children look to parents and teachers to guide them in the right direction. It is our responsibility to our children and the children we teach to be there for them and point them in the right direction so that they will continue to love learning even into adulthood. Overall, I really enjoyed chapter seven and I will take each of these main points into account when it comes to my future profession as a teacher and also as a mother.

This is Monique and her daughter, Melody. "We love to play around with the photo booth program on my computer. It's our way to laugh and have a good time."

Preparing Our Children for the Journey

Abby submitted our final entry on chapter 6, as well as this photo of some of her family (and, yes, hers is the last of the photos I accidentally saved as the wrong type of file...when she resends it, I'll post it!). She explained, "The picture is of my daughter, Paula, and my son, Juan, when they were ten and eleven years old. From left to right is my niece Becky, who loves to read; my joyous daughter, Paula (wearing purple), who likes to articulate words; my handsome son, Juan, who likes Legos; and my niece, Roxy, who likes to draw. They are my strength in life." I think you'll enjoy reading about her children in her entry. Enjoy!

Growing up, my parents overprotected their three daughters. They did not allow me to visit friends during my elementary school years. Studying child development, I became aware that this type of parenting is considered authoritarian. “A helicopter hovering over her children” is an analogy often utilized to describe this type of parenting. As a result of my parents’ overprotection, I grew emotionally detached from them. I feel that my parents’ overprotection prevented me from taking on challenges. Growing up, I was timid and rarely spoke in class. I recall that in third grade an instructor asked me to complete a task. I did not listen to her instructions clearly and I was afraid to ask her to repeat them. I sat quietly gazing at the ABC boarder above the chalkboard. She approached me later and questioned why I had not written anything on the sheet of paper. I began crying.

Reading Galinsky’s chapter made me recall this memory. I believe that parents that are intrusive disable children from developing essential coping strategies to carry through life. In my childhood, taking on challenges was discouraged. Galinsky points out that taking on challenges is essential in childhood. Galinsky quotes Gunner: “A childhood that had no stress in it would not prepare you for adulthood,” (p. 253) referring to parents' shielding. Children who are encouraged to take on challenges anticipate future obstacles with reverence instead of fear.

Thirteen essential tools are described in this chapter. As a single parent, I feel strongly about five of these suggestions. These vital elements include managing your own stress, taking time for yourself, not shielding your child from everyday stresses, and understanding your child’s temperament.

I support Galinsky’s notion of encouraging challenges in children. My daughter Paula is thirteen and my son Juan is fourteen. Since they were small I have given them opportunities to explore the world. I believe that my children each have a strong will when confronted with everyday issues. They are not afraid to ask questions, like I was growing up. I model for them that managing stress should be done in a healthy manner. When I am under stress, I inform them of the situation. I usually tell them that I need to go for a jog to clear my thoughts. Taking time to take care of you is also essential. I tell them if “I don’t take care of myself, who is going to hold the fort?” My children praise that I live my life with perseverance regardless of certain obstacles. I don’t shield my children from everyday stressors either. They are aware that actions have consequences. When my son goes to sleep late and wakes up late he knows that he will miss the opportunity for his mother to take him to school. He then learns to take on responsibilities.

Understanding children’s temperament is also important as a parent. I believe that my children’s strengths, such as Paula’s willingness to take on challenges and Juan’s patience in analyzing challenges, will set them on a great journey in life. As an educator, I will apply Galinsky’s suggestions in children’s everyday experiences in order to facilitate their development of the tools needed to strive successfully in life.

Challenging Challenges

This is a childhood photo of Misti, the author of our third entry on chapter 6. She said, "This was around Christmas, and according to the date stamp, 2 days after my second birthday. I was trying to open that container because, let's face it, at 2 years old, anything brightly colored and that hard to open is either a toy or candy! I look pretty frustrated, so I thought that the picture suited my chapter well." Happy reading!

Chapter six of Ellen Galinsky’s Mind in the Making was about the challenges of life. As we face the challenges of everyday life, stress is likely to follow and dealing with stress was the focus of this chapter. It is important that children are allowed to experience adversity in order to learn appropriate coping mechanisms. Galinsky gives 13 suggestions that promote healthy stress relief practices in families.

Galinsky suggests that teaching kids to deal with stress requires that parents set an example by dealing with their own stress in a healthy way. She also mentions that it is important to let children experience stress, and I agree. We live in a society that protects children from everything instead of allowing them to learn from their mistakes. It is important that children learn through both influence and experience. Children should be allowed to play and experience the stresses of life first hand. It is important for parents to teach their children to handle stress as it occurs in their lives. By helping a child through something that overwhelms them, they will learn to deal with similar situations on their own in the future. I think that parents who practice healthy coping and provide scaffolding for their children as they deal with stress will also help them learn healthy coping.

As a child, I was taught to work well under pressure. My mom taught me to deal with my problems by working through them. When I was having issues, my mom would encourage me to take a break from the stress and then start over, working until my task was accomplished. One great example of this has to do with my favorite hobby. As a teenager, I started baking and learning how to decorate cakes. When I would get frustrated with how my work was turning out, my mom would encourage me to take a small break, rest, get my mind off of the cake and return later when I would be less frustrated with my task. This always worked well and I have realized now that I can apply that technique to other activities such as school work.

This chapter reminds me of one of the common parenting tips that parents pass around to each other: if a child hurts himself, let the child react before you react. If a child is taught that falling and hurting herself should be stressful, she will cry every time she falls and not just when she is hurt. It is important to teach children that in every situation, people must consider the magnitude of the problem before reacting. If we teach our children this, they are less likely to be the over reacting type.

The best advice I could give to parents after reading this chapter is: let your children experience challenges alone and teach them to deal with the stress together. Coping skills are very important to the healthy development of a child. The first step to building coping skills begins at birth. It takes a strong attachment between caretaker and child to ensure that the child understands that his needs are worth taking care of. The child must learn that someone will take care of him when he is stressed before he can learn to take care of his own needs.

This book is a wonderful tool for those who have or work with children. It is important to understand the significant developing skills that children are learning and how we as caretakers can promote the healthy growth of these tools. We must understand how children learn skills such as dealing with stress. By teaching children how to actively deal with stress, we better prepare them for larger problems later in life. Stress is a common problem in the fast paced lifestyle of our country. If we can teach our children to deal with stress at an early age, we will set them up to be successful people with less of the negative effects of stress in their life.

COMMENT: Not only have you really supported your responses to Galinsky's ideas with great examples from your own life, but you've gleaned wonderful advice to give to parents. Very insightful. Wouldn't it be great if all caretakers read this book -- and your entry?!

Got Stress?! We Hope So!

This is Jenny, the author of our second entry on chapter 6, rollerblading with her brothers in Oregon when they were kids. Like Jennifer did in the previous entry, Jenny focused on the role of stress, and I'm guessing she experienced a little -- along with the fun! -- while skating with her brothers. Happy reading!

Everyone handles stress in their own unique ways. Stress is a part of life and we learn to deal with stress at an early age. Galinsky proposes that infants exhibit stress in the beginning months by just being picked up. This is stressful for them because it is something new and different. We are born in a world where stress is a part of our everyday living, but how do we learn to cope with stress?

Galinsky says we learn to cope with stress by taking on challenges at an early age. I completely agree with Galinsky. Children need to learn that sometimes in life they might fail, but they can always learn from their failure and become stronger. The first time I tried to learn how to ride my bike without my training wheels on was a stressful time for me as a child. I remember I was on my little pink bike with my dad by my side to help me. He was holding onto the back of the seat, running beside me, helping me balance. I didn’t think I was ready yet so I would cry out, “Don’t let go!” He let go. I fell over and scraped my whole body. I remember crying and being so mad that he let go, but I see now he wanted me to learn. He knew if I failed he would be there to comfort me and help me back up when I was ready. After this happened I was terrified to try again, but on my own time a few weeks later, I did. It was the same situation, but this time I was yelling, “Let go!” and when he did, I took off and rarely ever fell again.

This experience, along with many other challenges I faced growing up, helped me deal with stress in my adult life. I tend to do the same pattern; when I fail I take time to think and rebuild myself, then try again. Galinsky calls this getting back on the horse. Once you fall, you get back up and try again. Galinsky has 12 suggestions to help a child take on challenges. Every suggestion helps the parent and child in a different way. The first is the most important, I believe, and she suggests that parents need to manage their own stress to help children deal with their stress. There is no stress free childhood, she says, and parents should not pretend that their adult life is stress free. If children see their parents managing their stress in a healthy way, they will notice this and react in the same way.

Another suggestion I agree with is that you should not shield children from everyday stresses. This is saying that sometimes if we shield children, we can actually make the situation worse for them. I have a friend who never saw her parents dealing with conflict. Now in her adult life when she comes into conflict with peers, she does not know how to react. Her parents never showed her that it is ok to disagree and have different opinions from others. They sheltered her so much that she does not know a healthy way to communicate feelings that others disapprove of.

Children will learn to handle stress only if we let them see what stress is. My favorite suggestion that Galinsky gives is that we should praise children for their personalities, not for their efforts and accomplishments. To help children take on challenges we need to be giving them descriptive praise to motivate them and show them we can see that they are working hard. Evaluative praise, saying “Good job,” or discouragement, can push a child to give up. Galinsky explains that we should only use praise such as “Good job” every once and awhile.

Galinsky’s 12 suggestions really opened my eyes to how much parents really try to shelter their children from stress. When parents do this they minimize chances for the child to take on challenges. Learning to deal and cope with stress is a part of life. We should be showing our children how to take on new challenges. If they fail, we need to show them they can try again and again. By taking on challenges, we learn about ourselves and learn not to be afraid of life.

Are We Stressing Too Much About Avoiding Stress?..

This is Jennifer, the author of our first entry on chapter 6. This childhood picture of her seems fitting, as she looks happy that I've FINALLY posted her entry (she turned it in at the end of March)! Actually, you'll see that this picture compliments her response to Galinsky's ideas about stress in childhood. Enjoy.

For my blog entry I chose to write on skill six. This skill is called “Taking on challenges.” I really enjoyed reading this chapter and learning about how stress can start in infancy. Galinsky studies in depth what stress can do to people when they are children and surprisingly it is good!

The first thing that happens to our bodies when we are put into highly stressful situations is we create a hormone called Cortisol. What this hormone does is creates extra adrenaline in our body so we can handle what is about to happen. We only think of adults getting stressed out, but from what I have learned by reading about this skill, children get stressed just as much as adults do, however they do not have the skills to voice it. The example Galinsky used was putting a mechanical toy in front of a child. For anyone else, exposure to the toy would be easy, but Galinsky states that this would create stress for the child because they have never come into contact with the toy before. They do not know what to do with the toy and do not have control of the situation.

I completely agree with this example. When I was a child, if I would have got something I had never seen before, or even if I had seen it but never messed with it, it would have stressed me out. Although I would not have known what was going on with my body at a young age, it is really neat to read about it now and go back to times when stuff happened to me and it made me feel this way. For instance, I remember being at school and being really scared to climb up the ladder to go down the slide. It would scare me so much that I would almost feel like crying, but I remember one day finally getting up the courage to get up the ladder and go down the slide. Once I had completed the task it was really fun and I had to do it again. So I incorporated a picture of me going down a slide and having fun doing it. Although it is not the same slide I had at school, I thought it captured my spirit.

Another point Galinsky made was in the section “Factors That Matter- Parenting Styles.” It was really interesting to read about the different parenting styles, including alarmist parents, the parents who see danger everywhere, and also the intrusive parents, the parents who are overprotective and do not let their children explore their environment. I read this part and was thinking that I am so happy my parents were not like either of these types of parents. They did protect my sister and me, but never to the extent where they did not let us be our own persons. This section reminds me of growing up and playing sports and riding dirt bikes. My parents knew we could get hurt, but they knew we had to take some risks to become more well-rounded people. I know it sounds weird, but in my opinion, if a parent wants their child to be more of an individual and be independent, I think the child needs to get dirty, play around, and get hurt. Galinsky stated that “a childhood that had no stress in it would not prepare you for adulthood” (p. 253). This is one of the best quotes that I have heard in a long time in the child development field. People in today’s society are so afraid that they are going to hurt their child if they do not follow a set guideline, when parents today need to let their children be themselves. Let them go outside and ride their bikes, fall down and get dirty. This creates stress in their life, and stress, even at a young age, will make your child a better person when they are older.

Encourage Your Child to Become a Critical Thinker

Araceli, the author of our last entry on chapter 5 who is pictured at the end of this, obviously practices what Galinsky's preaching. This is a picture of her two daughters, 29-month-old Alexxa, and 9-month-old Ana'Bella, "being curious in the kitchen." Open-ended play....great for fostering critical thinking. Happy reading!

In chapter five, Galinsky presents nine suggestions to help parents “promote critical thinking in children” (p. 237). There were three suggestions that were really interesting, and thought provoking.

Galinsky’s first suggestion is to “watch your child forming theories about how things work” (p. 237). By allowing children to form their own theories about how something may work, you’re giving your child the opportunity to think outside of the box. A child may build his or her theory after analyzing the facts, which then leads them to build their own conclusion, and finally, they’ll test their theory to see if their results are the same or different.

The first suggestion reminded me of when I was three years old, and my mother told me not to touch the hot frying pan full of oil on top of the stove. I remember asking her “why?” She responded, “Because you may burn yourself and you won’t be a happy little girl.” Just as my mother left the kitchen, I walked over to the stove, and put my finger in the hot oil. I closed my eyes, and screamed at the top of my lungs. My mother came running into the kitchen and said, “Let me guess, you touched the hot oil.” Although my mother had warned me not to touch the hot frying pan full of oil, I still did, but boy did I learn my lesson. The next time my mother told me not to touch the hot frying pan, you bet I stayed away from it.

Galinsky’s second suggestion was also very interesting. Here she suggests that parents “promote your child’s curiosity." As we already know children are very curious about everything and it is our duty-as parents-to encourage them (our children) to figure out how to resolve a problem on their own. Children’s curiosity “can be weakened or strengthened by what we do’” (p.238).

This suggestion reminded me of the time when I picked up my bicycle, and I asked my dad to remove the training wheels. I was really curious to see if I could ride it without them. I didn’t want to be the only child in the neighborhood who didn’t know how to ride a bicycle without training wheels. I wanted to learn how to ride my bicycle without those ugly training wheels, just like the big kids on the block. After the first unsuccessful try, I fell on the hard pavement and scraped my hands and knees. I got up and wiped the tears off my face, and I got back on my bicycle. After a few more tries, my dad came up to me and said, “I see that you’re struggling with the taking off part and your pedaling. Do you think that it will be easier for you if you try taking off from the sidewalk? Don’t give up, you can do it!” It took me all day to learn how to ride my bicycle, but I never gave up. My dad helped strengthen my curiosity.

In suggestion four, Galinsky informs us that “we can model critical thinking by encouraging our children to ask questions and by responding with accurate information, always keeping in mind what they already know” (p. 241). From previous experience, we - as parents - might already know the answer to one of their questions, and if we don’t have an answer for them, we can always get back to them when we have looked into the matter. It is very important that your child can recognize the people who they can turn to for accurate information.

All of Galinsky’s suggestions in this chapter are very helpful for educators and parents in promoting good critical thinking skills. Critical thinking is an essential tool for children; therefore it is important that we promote it at an early age.