This is Jenny, the author of our second entry on chapter 6, rollerblading with her brothers in Oregon when they were kids. Like Jennifer did in the previous entry, Jenny focused on the role of stress, and I'm guessing she experienced a little -- along with the fun! -- while skating with her brothers. Happy reading!
Everyone handles stress in their own unique ways. Stress is a part of life and we learn to deal with stress at an early age. Galinsky proposes that infants exhibit stress in the beginning months by just being picked up. This is stressful for them because it is something new and different. We are born in a world where stress is a part of our everyday living, but how do we learn to cope with stress?
Galinsky says we learn to cope with stress by taking on challenges at an early age. I completely agree with Galinsky. Children need to learn that sometimes in life they might fail, but they can always learn from their failure and become stronger. The first time I tried to learn how to ride my bike without my training wheels on was a stressful time for me as a child. I remember I was on my little pink bike with my dad by my side to help me. He was holding onto the back of the seat, running beside me, helping me balance. I didn’t think I was ready yet so I would cry out, “Don’t let go!” He let go. I fell over and scraped my whole body. I remember crying and being so mad that he let go, but I see now he wanted me to learn. He knew if I failed he would be there to comfort me and help me back up when I was ready. After this happened I was terrified to try again, but on my own time a few weeks later, I did. It was the same situation, but this time I was yelling, “Let go!” and when he did, I took off and rarely ever fell again.
This experience, along with many other challenges I faced growing up, helped me deal with stress in my adult life. I tend to do the same pattern; when I fail I take time to think and rebuild myself, then try again. Galinsky calls this getting back on the horse. Once you fall, you get back up and try again. Galinsky has 12 suggestions to help a child take on challenges. Every suggestion helps the parent and child in a different way. The first is the most important, I believe, and she suggests that parents need to manage their own stress to help children deal with their stress. There is no stress free childhood, she says, and parents should not pretend that their adult life is stress free. If children see their parents managing their stress in a healthy way, they will notice this and react in the same way.
Another suggestion I agree with is that you should not shield children from everyday stresses. This is saying that sometimes if we shield children, we can actually make the situation worse for them. I have a friend who never saw her parents dealing with conflict. Now in her adult life when she comes into conflict with peers, she does not know how to react. Her parents never showed her that it is ok to disagree and have different opinions from others. They sheltered her so much that she does not know a healthy way to communicate feelings that others disapprove of.
Children will learn to handle stress only if we let them see what stress is. My favorite suggestion that Galinsky gives is that we should praise children for their personalities, not for their efforts and accomplishments. To help children take on challenges we need to be giving them descriptive praise to motivate them and show them we can see that they are working hard. Evaluative praise, saying “Good job,” or discouragement, can push a child to give up. Galinsky explains that we should only use praise such as “Good job” every once and awhile.
Galinsky’s 12 suggestions really opened my eyes to how much parents really try to shelter their children from stress. When parents do this they minimize chances for the child to take on challenges. Learning to deal and cope with stress is a part of life. We should be showing our children how to take on new challenges. If they fail, we need to show them they can try again and again. By taking on challenges, we learn about ourselves and learn not to be afraid of life.
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