Siblings' Role in the Promotion of Perspective Taking

Kelsey is the author of our second entry on chapter 2, and this is her description of this childhood photo: "The picture is my sister Kathleen on the left, my brother Greg in the middle, and me on the right side. We took this picture when my aunt came to visit us from San Francisco and got us all matching sunglasses." She wondered if that was a good enough description, and I think the only thing missing is: "How cool are they?!!" I think you'll appreciate her entry, too!

Growing up as the youngest of three in my family had its good times and its bad times. Being only fourteen months apart, my brother and I were extremely close; we did everything together. We even shared our closest friends. There are certain memories I made with my brother that I will never forget. Once, when he was in kindergarten and I was still at home, he brought me the prizes that he had received in his kindergarten class for collecting 10 class stickers. I think I recall this memory more distinctly than others because this small action made me feel included. He could understand how it felt for me being the only one left at home. He was able to dive into the perspective of my feelings and use relationship building tools to make me feel better. Even though he didn’t realize it at the time, in the long run, this small act, along with others like them, taught me how to take others’ perspectives into account when building my own relationships. My brother was always there for me when I needed him and still is today. I could not be more thankful for having such a wonderful brother.

My sister on the other hand is five years older than me. Growing up with each other was much more of a challenge for the two of us. We were constantly at different stages of life and continuously fighting. As the younger child, I felt as if she was always out to get me, constantly trying to poke at me and find any way possible to make fun of me. Essentially, she came off as a bully, always trying to make me feel strange and out of place. For example, I remember a time when she and her friends locked me in the closet. They closed the door behind me and as I shouted back at them, they told me that I was from the planet ‘cow.’

There were moments when I would just have complete breakdowns and begin to cry. All I wanted was an older sister who I got along with; someone I could look up to and follow. I wanted it to be ok that I made the same choices as her. Instead I was called a ‘copy cat.’ She tore away at my self-confidence and self-esteem. Luckily my parents were able to take my perspective into account and not only calm me down but assure me that later on in life the two of us would be close. They constantly came down to my level and told me they knew how I felt. They were able to relate to me since they too were the youngest of three growing up in their own families. They told me of their struggles as children and the way that their relationships with their siblings developed. I felt that my parents understood and were able to empathize with me. Because of this I was able to trudge through the bad times of my childhood. My parents’ perspective taking taught me how to better understand another person’s situation. I learned to step into another’s outlook and gain the ability to build long lasting relationships with other people.

Just as my parents always told me, my sister and I are now closer than ever. I consider her to be one of my closest friends and for that I could not be more thankful. Our parents’ ability to empathize with their children’s feelings helped to teach my sister and me how to empathize with others and build lasting, meaningful relationships.

In the book, Galinsky emphasizes the fact that the ability to understand and empathize with another person’s thoughts or feelings is one of the key aspects to sustaining a healthy adult relationship. She points out that no person enjoys talking to another when they do not feel understood. Throughout the chapter she provides the reader with eight suggestions regarding teaching a child the ever important skill of perspective taking. In order to teach our children how to be in sync with another’s feelings we must first be aware of their feelings, no matter how mundane or silly they may seem. We must get down to their level and learn to recognize their feelings.

Children watch and learn from their parents more than we think. Being able to take the perspective of a child teaches them skills that they will use throughout their lifetime. Just as my parents stepped down to my level and empathized with me in my own times of need, so too other parents must decide to step down and empathize with their children. Doing so will enable their children to build meaningful relationships in the future stages of their development.